Why I wouldn't trade away the grief

and How the Luminist Was Born

I would give anything to have my late husband back...

And yet, my life is more vibrant, more meaningful, more miraculous thanks to the lessons of grief and loss.

A recurring word you will see here in The Luminist is ‘aliveness’ — somewhat cheesy but sincerely meant to convey the flamboyant richness of life that can light up our minds and bodies.

The abundance.

Aliveness is an apt description of the technicolor way I now experience the world. “Now,” as in since my husband unexpectedly died six years ago.

Mike Deagle smiling with his kids while wearing a "Best Dad Ever" pin.

Mike & the kids on our last Father’s day together, five months before Mike unexpectedly died of a heart attack.

It doesn’t mean that it’s all rainbows and unicorns.

It means that I process life with depth and feeling — high highs, low lows. I see the details, feel the connections, and regularly experience awe that moves me to tears.

I know I’m not an exception or an outlier either. I know this kind of transformation is possible for others… So I want to share my insights and discover more with anyone who dares to join me in this conversation.

Which is why I created The Luminist.

To offer you, dear reader, a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel... while also sharing directions, short-cuts, and scenic detours.

How I rose from loss into technicolor life

The Luminist's Guiding Principles

The Paradoxes (& Promises) of life & loss

1

Avoiding thinking about death makes it worse… not better.

2

Equations, logic, limits just don’t work when trying to explain life & death (or the human experience in general).

3

The fullness of loss helps us remember the fullness of life.

4

Magic, miraculous, divine are subjective titles… and thus available by choice.

5

Contemplating our deaths reminds us what matters in our lives.

6

When confronted with the abyss, we realize we have few offerings more powerful than companionship, support, and compassion.

7

When in doubt, offer your compassion before your logic.

8

Connection is so much more than the sum of its parts.

Wow; Sue I’m so grateful for the thoughts you have laid out for us as a community, and the ability to discuss and grow from truth and reality. Thank you. I look forward to being a part of this community and sharing the opportunity with others I know would benefit and be able to constructively contribute.

Jennifer

Luminist Subscriber

Love this: a purposeful journey to share; to heal: to empower and to celebrate the unspoken experience of life after the loss of a loved one. So many of us have experienced this loss; stood by a dear friend as they have or are fearful of experiencing it – your wisdom and openness is needed to allow people the space to embrace their feelings.

Luanne

Luminist Subscriber

Such a powerful message born out of your personal journey. Thank you for sharing and creating a space for others.

Tracey

Luminist Subscriber

How far we've come

It started as a dream and now we're here

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Console better, suffer less, and live a more vibrant life.

The Luminist lighthouse in sky blue